The Midnight Hour

(Originally published in the New York Times on April 5, 2006 - link)

Since I have had the opportunity to see a few Arab homes, and to observe and interact at some length with the populace here in Falluja, I thought it might be interesting to point out a few of the similarities and differences between the life we know and that of an Iraqi. Hundreds of customs and courtesies surround the Arab culture. Upon my arrival here, I didn’t know what to believe and what to shrug off as nonsense. I quickly realized that most things I had learned from Ustatha Samir during “culture time” in Arabic class held true in the real world. It’s always rather surreal to imagine life drastically different than American culture without actually experiencing it, but after seeing this small part of the Arab world with my own eyes, I know I’ll never forget it.Let’s start with the Arab home. Sandals will be strewn about in front of the door where their owners have left them for safe keeping. Closed-toe shoes are quite the anomaly here, even in the dusty environment of Iraq. It appears the locals’ feet are quite accustomed to this and have hardened accordingly. Next, there will probably be a coat-hanger in the foyer where dishdashas are hung. Dishdashas are the long button-up robes worn by men, and are most often referred to as “man-dresses” by marines. It’s difficult to explain, but the phrase “man-dress” doesn’t really contain a negative connotation. It is simply a quick and easy way to describe a male’s attire. (i.e. “Keep an eye on the MAM in the white man-dress.”) That’s an acronym we use: MAM (military-aged male). It means any male from his late teens to his late 50’s. Insurgents are almost invariably MAM’s, which I’m sure doesn’t come as a surprise. That’s right, we profile based on age and gender … and it works.

Further inside the house you’ll find a “receiving room” that is usually the most nicely furnished and well-decorated room of the house. This room is used for entertaining and socializing with guests. It appears common for Iraqis to sleep in this room, although in my limited experience it appears sleeping may occur in almost any room except the kitchen. I’ll get back to the kitchen in a moment, but first I must tell you about sleeping arrangements. No beds. None. Everyone generally huddles into the same room and sleeps on brightly colored blankets spread directly onto the floor. It appears the “sleeping gear” for one person consists of two blankets (one to lie on, one to cover up with) and a pillow. Some homes have large, brightly colored pads for the inhabitants to sleep on. Also, there doesn’t appear to be an Arabic equivalent of pajamas. Everyone seems to sleep in his or her clothes from the day.

The kitchen usually has one stove, which consists of a large lattice grill over a propane burner. Sacks with grains of all types will be stacked in a remote corner amid racks of plates and glassware. There is also a refrigerator that will chill the day’s leftovers. I don‘t believe Ziploc bags are a part of the equation. There will invariably be a stack of Muj-bread in some part of the kitchen.

Next, the stories I heard about the use of the left hand appear to be true: it is considered unclean. I don’t have any direct knowledge of it’s duties in the restroom, but I know you never see anyone signaling, waving, or pointing with it. We are taught to return the favor and not wave or signal Iraqis with our left hands.

It is also common to see two people of the same gender holding hands. This appears to merely be a sign of friendship or camaraderie. I once observed three children walking along a road. I can only assume they were going to school, because it was early morning and they were carrying books. The two boys were holding hands as the little girl followed behind.

Lastly: tea and tobacco. Both are extremely prevalent in Arab society. Elaborate metal tea pots etched with ornate patterns adorn the receiving room of many households. I am not sure exactly how the tea is brewed, but I know that when served the tea leaves sit directly in your cup with no straining. The cup of home-brewed tea of which I partook was delicious. It was just the right blend of really sweet and really strong that I learned to expect of tea during my southern upbringing. Smoking doesn’t happen quite as majestically, but it happens every bit as often. It also doesn’t really appear to be a personal decision here; it actually seems as if everyone smokes. Almost every male keeps a pack of cigarettes on his person, usually in the breast pocket of his dishdasha. I am not sure where females keep them, but I have seen them quietly smoking indoors, out of the public eye.

I don’t consider myself an expert on Arab culture by any stretch of the imagination. As a matter of fact, I wouldn’t consider myself very learned on the subject at all. However, what was once only a fascinating topic of discussion, I have now seen with my own eyes, and that itself appears to put me a head and shoulders above the experience of the average American.