Port-a-John Graffiti
Every time Marines go to the field a train of port-a-johns follows in trace. It has been determined that port-a-johns are both more sanitary and more convenient than digging a cat-hole with one’s entrenching-tool. I’ll definitely agree with the “more convenient†part. The sanitation issue is another matter. Regardless, it appears this trend has followed us to OIF, and with it follows those expertly crafted limericks that we all love to hate: port-a-john graffiti.
During my trip into country I was exposed to several inter-service camps, and consequently, graffiti of all types. Many would-be artists sign their unit at the bottom of their creations, and I managed to notice some definite trends in those fleeting minutes spent staring at a plastic wall. First, soldiers love to complain. They complain about how long they’ve been deployed, their officers, the cleanliness of the port-a-john, and everything else under the sun. Don’t get me wrong, there were plenty of gripes from Marine and Air Force units, but the Army really served up a glass of whine in the Taqaddum port-a-johns. Next, Marines seem to prefer drawing pornography. I won’t say much more about this one, but some of those drawings had to take 20 minutes to complete. Two minutes is enough for me inside these monstrosities, and anyone inside for more than ten either needs to be rescued or must be painting the Sistine Chapel. Last, the problem is immense, and it really saddens me that I share the same species (and possibly public school system) with those responsible for resorting to port-a-john graffiti to make their voice heard.
With all that said, I’m not going to lie, some of it is hilarious. Some of my favorites include “Where did you get that grenade?†and “Chuck Norris can believe it’s not butter.†It’s the random, off the wall stuff that really makes me laugh. “I love lamp†also comes to mind. One of the more involved quotes read “Anyone can pee on the floor. It takes a hero to poop on the ceiling.†Perhaps as juvenile and debasing as it may be, port-a-john graffiti has brought a smile to my face on more than one occasion. I don’t condone it and I certainly don’t take part in it, but I think most of us would be lying if we denied it has pulled a laugh from us at one time or the other.
I like this one:
The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
and
Guns don’t kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.